In the priestly life, we go through different processes. The internal processes are where your humanity struggles with the demands of pastoral work.
Let’s see how to unite this process with what the gospel that tells us about Zacchaeus.
1. In passing:
Because your daily life often becomes a habit, you might forget that it is sacred. I had a teacher who always said: “What is sacred is dangerous”, because, by constantly being in the middle of it- it becomes habitual and, if you no longer recognize it, it stops being sacred. This can bring you down and lead to distraction; celebrating the mass hurridly; focusing on the surrounding details and leaving to one side the central theme. Or not preparing the homily well: when it ceases to be the fruit of your prayer and becomes a momentary production.
It is then when you look at your life, you’ll notice that Jesus, once again, will pass through your life, because in one way or another, He is always close to you.
2. Difficulty: In the priestly life you must assume that you will also have difficulties finding Jesus sometimes.
An internal difficulty will be the struggle with your affections, loneliness, isolation, and those superficial thoughts that make you think about the your economic situation and even about your future well-being. It is the internal struggle that also makes you think that you have failed for not having a position as a parish priest, an episcopal dean, or a vicar, etc …
When you have that internal struggle, of course it is difficult for you to see Jesus. There might even be an internal struggle with “short stature”; which refers to being stuck in the monotony of life and unable to look up and see your future.
There is also the external difficulty: “the multitude”, which refers to the multitude of things that you have to face, confront, and assume.
Dealing with all this every day: attention to and from people, solving problems, paying debts, assuming responsibilities, and taking care of the difficulties that people carry can be hard. Plus the difficulties of your family, such as caring for your parents who you have to take care of, because your siblings consider that, not having a family, you have more time. The difficulty you have to deal with if you’re ill, such as diabetes or high blood pressure, which are often the product of your unlimited pastoral dedication.
Those things can make it difficult for you to see Jesus.
3. Sycamore: It is the tree that allows Zacchaeus to overcome difficulties and be able to look above it all- to see Jesus; to meet Him. This “Sycamore tree” in your life could be: talking to a good friend who you can open up your heart to and tell him everything you experience; a Sycamore could also be that special place you go to,” your place in the world”, and finding yourself again there; your identity and your authenticity.
It might be the Sycamore tree that leads you to see Jesus. Being able to do something just for yourself, without thinking about others all the time can help. Your Sycamore could also be meeting with that group of priest friends, with whom you can speak openly and describe exactly what’s happening to you and how you feel about whatever is going on in your diocese, movement, or institution.
Look for your Sycamore tree that will lead you to see beyond your difficulties; to see everything from above and focus on Jesus again.
4. Encounter: It is interesting because it is Jesus who looks at him (Zaccheaus). This is interesting because we priests often believe we are the ones who go to Him, but really it is the other way around. It is Jesus who comes to contemplate your life and your ministry. As we mentioned before, in this process of your life there are many constant struggles, but it is about allowing yourself to have time so God has that time to contemplate you. The encounter, (that encounter that you felt at the beginning of the adventure of living this lifestyle) is not what will make you remember, but rather an extension of the first encounter. It occurs in a different situation. It is here where you begin to find yourself under the new gaze of Him and where everything is left aside; your difficulties and your entanglements. It’s time for both.
5. Conversion: Priestly conversion is a constant element in our life, but we must be willing to change.
The first thing that needs to happen is for youself to “diminish.” The reality of the multitude of things you have to do does not change, but you do. You change; there is a new encounter with Him. “Diminishing” makes you stop lingering over the things that you have to solve; returning to your first Love and understanding that there are things you can do and things you can’t do. The difficulties, duties, and the crowd will continue to be there, but you have to return to your home; to your privacy, because God wants to speak with you again.
The process of change comes after an encounter. It is not because of mere voluntarism, nor because of rigid rules that the only thing they do is make you hide. You might hide behind a cassock, behind some espadrilles, or behind an ecclesiastical ideology. This is not “returning to Jesus”. Returning to Jesus and sitting down and sharing with Him; it is looking at yourself today, with everything that moves you and moved you before, but also thinking about what you are willing to give up; to let go, in order to return to Him.
The most difficult thing in life is to let go: to let go of affections, material things, positions, possession, etc. Discover what you are willing to give up to be closer to Him… it is understandable that it cannot be done overnight. Take one step at a time, because we are human, but if there is no first encounter with Him, it is difficult to achieve. Meet Him to let go, and let go to find yourself again.
6. Mission: It is the process that you and I go through when we go from misery to mercy. It is when you leave what binds you, or holds you back, in your priestly life in order to follow it with creativity and encouragement. If your pastoral life is monotonous and apathetic, you are probably burned out: it is the “Burnout Syndrome”, which may have tied you to a life without encounter and therefore without mission.
We priests may live a life that feels like being behind a table collecting taxes, just collecting and giving. Not necessarily collecting money, but a monotonous and sedentary life in which we can only look at the other as a stranger, who comes to you to fufill the requirement or to look good. People who come to you just to give what is theirs to the the intermediary and collector.
Zacchaeus goes from being an intermediary of rules and taxes to being an intermediary of grace and mercy because He lived it Himself.
Today, consecrated brother, you are called to leave that collection table, tax office, and chair, to be the intermediary who goes out to search and heal. Demonstrate that even though you were pointed out by others, today you are showing everyone that you have been seen; looked upon. People point out, but God looks. People condemn you for your actions, but God forgives you. Even your clergy brothers can label you, but God comes to comfort you. Fight to see Him again, and from seeing Him you will be able to heal again.
Pray for us priests, so that we will be intermediaries of graces and not just fulfilling requirements.
Something good is on the way!
