In the process of our priestly journey, we experience tears that cloud our vision and make us feel forgotten.
It is important to learn to wait; to find strength in the memory of that first visit from God; to remember that there was a specific call; allow time to renew our gaze, and to realize that God continues to look for us as priests. He has never left us.
I share this reflection with you from my personal experience:
1. Crying: We priests also have feelings and we always see our pastoral work is far greater than what we can actually do. We take on parishes with gigantic extensions and pastoral tasks that seem never ending. We have complex situations, because we deal with complex people. All of this makes us think about the fact that at some point, we feel overwhelmed.
People also see that we are overwhelmed, because we do not dedicate time to ourselves. Added to the fact that we are often taking a somewhat toxic stance towards what we have to accomplish; checking everything and looking at every detail. At this point, you see that everything begins to be controlled by you, with close monitoring. There comes a time when frustration appears; when you do not see the results that you would like, or you simply feel exhausted from paying attention all the time and solving the problems that this generates.
Tears appear in your life. Today I will introduce you to three types of tears:
A) Angry tears: These are caused by not feeling understood by the community, rather, being judged and receiving complaints. Generating something in people always demands your involvement, but often does not acknowledge you as a person. It is the moment where you even feel used by the community, because when they need you, you have to be there, but when you need them, they seem not to be there.
B) Overwhelming tears: When you and I have the desire to achieve everything with our own efforts, we almost forget about God. It is being in constant acceleration, but reaching a point where you feel overwhelmed by the amount of things you have to do, and you cannot delegate. Even assuming a pastoral rhythm that is increasingly open, the situation gets out of hand. It comes to a point where the sacramental takes a backseat and everything is concentrated on the pastoral. This is when the tears for searching for Jesus appear again.
C) Tears of relief: These appear when you realize that you’ve made mistakes, perhaps moral as well as pastoral or emotional; when you realize that there is an end to that error and the search for reconstruction appears. These tears are ones of relief and renewal. These are tears of reunion, but also of restructuring. They are the tears of knowing how to let go and tears of understanding the cost of letting go.
These types of tears involve struggle and effort, but also self-knowledge. This is where your contribution to life and ministry comes in; recognizing that you are hurt, but redeemed; beaten, but reinstated.
2. Hidden from your eyes: There are moments when you feel that you are not achieving anything; where you even lose the gaze of the priestly fraternity; where your brother does not accompany you, and where your father bishop is distant. It is where you feel that everyone has moved away from you, but in that gaze that is obscured, you cannot see that at this point, it is possible that it is you who have moved away from them. Because, when that moment of crisis comes, you feel that no one understands you, but it is you who cannot express your need for help. It’s the confusing thing about your view point. You think that your brothers and bishop have left you alone, but they see that you isolate yourself from all your brother priests. Of course it may also appear that they leave you alone, but it is at this time of darkness, where you cannot see yourself. They cannot see you and you cannot see them either.
As we are taught: in moments of darkness, never make decisions; seek calm and learn to wait…
3. Time: Everything can be seen over time. It is important that you learn to wait. Patiently waiting is an element that they taught us in the seminary which we continue to learn in the day-to-day life of our priesthood. Understand that there is a “process” in everything, not only in our pastoral actions, but also in our ministerial life.
Time is wise, but it is important to see who is who during that time. Don’t open your heart to the touch of the first person who appears next to you. Learn to discover that we all have a time for everything.
4. Visited by God: God comes into your life constantly and will always be looking for you as the priest that you are. Although we administer the Eucharist every day and bring Jesus to so many people, we must recognize that we often miss that visit. It is part of the spiritual life to go through those spiritual and ministerial moments of dryness. That is why, as a priest, one must return to the memory of that first visit from God.
It is important to know that God has visited you in your life, and to remember that you received a specific invitation from God. Tears, sooner or later, calm down and dry up. Time, sooner or later, heals all wounds. But if you do not refer back to your first encounter with Christ in your life, everything can lose meaning both in your ministry and in your life.
Pray for us priests.
Something good is on the way.
